walking away

i'm not sure why i'm even blogging on here. you'd think that i already have enough blogs, but maybe i'm just tired of everyone and everything and trying to get away from it, trying to post things in a place where i don't have to worry about anything.

i've definitely been happier than i am right now.

i don't see the point in trying to maintain any of the friendships i currently have. maybe that is selfish, but no one else is trying, so why should i?

i wasn't meant to ever have any close friends. people rarely call me to do things, and i'm tired of being the one doing all the calling.

i feel like i've lost all of my friends that i was getting close to, within a matter of moments. i know moving away would just be me running from my problems, but the thing is that i have come to truly hate myself. i hate who i am, i hate the things i do or say. i hate how i look. i just really hate me, and i don't think there is anything i can really do that will change who i am. i will always be this fucked up. i will always be alone.