dreams

the dreams in which something physical happens, not sexual, and you wake up and you have some sort of injury or pain, always creeps me out.

i dreamt that i was kneeling on a bus bench, leaning over the back, trying to reach someone i recently lost, and i kept slipping, whacking my head against the back of the bench.

i woke up with my head hurting.

i don't want to feel this sadness that is eating away at me, that is infiltrating my dreams, but i do. it will pass, and i will be okay. i know this. i just know i will emerge a different person. this is not necessarily a good thing. my trust for people is dwindling. i'm much better off just worrying about me, and saying fuck you to everyone else. really, it is the only way.